One reality show delivers quality head-cases every week, including the host and one of the judges. The ‘American Idol’ train crashed into Birmingham, Alabama Tuesday night and I tried to look away but I just couldn’t.

The AI phenomenon is out of control, even though I watch it through my fingers like ‘The Exorcist’ or a Farrah Fawcett interview. The last time I was in Memphis, I was 9-years-old and I got food poisoning from a Dairy Queen hot dog. I threw up in my dad’s glove during a 17 hour drive back to Philly sharing a back seat with my evil little sister. No offense to Sundance Head, but I can honestly say I enjoyed that trip more than last Tuesday’s return visit. I almost made a DQ run mid-show to trump the pain. What’s even more amazing is that New York was 10 times worse.

The lesson (besides stick to Blizzard’s) is that the early draw of the show is the horror of the unaware and not the chills from the talented. The ratings support that. The dominance of ‘Idol’ forced CBS to cancel ‘Armed & Famous’, which followed celebrities including Wee-Man and Jack Osbourne during their time as reserve officers. It went head to head with AI and was cancelled after only four episodes before we “accidentally” got to see Latoya Jackson’s boob.

Tuesday night, Birmingham was easier to stomach but it still had some brutal moments. Katie Bernard came out to low expectations since she had the voice box of a squirrel. When she entered the room, she started screaming, “Bright Light! Bright light!” After they dimmed the overheads, Gizmo sang “A house is not a Home” and got support from Randy but a negative from Simon. She brought in her oblivious husband who was sporting a bright orange polo and a goofy smile. He had absolutely no clue as to what was happening to him. When asked to convince Paula to let his wife through he replied, “Um, I can’t sing?” I’m telling you, not a freaking clue.

Diana Walker, the cheerleader from Atlanta, joked that she was always the base of the pyramid but her singing didn’t match her personality. Margaret Fowler claimed to be 26-years-old and of sound mind despite the age spots and big bird outfit. She designs clothes for plus-sized women and Jim Henson characters. Simon turned into an auctioneer and bid her up to 50-years-old.

Jamie Lynn Ward, a North Carolina native, went next and here’s what I saw and heard through my fingers: Her step-mom was cheating on her father and he shot her and then turned the gun on himself. He’s now paralyzed. Yup, there’s that pain again. I’m back in Memphis and NY and I can’t make it stop. Her message was “Don’t give up!” kind of like Jim Valvano without the shooting yourself and step-mom part. She, of course, got through.

Chris Sligh, from Greenville, South Carolina, was in the zone and my early pick to win it all. They can never let this kid get to the final 12 or it’s all over. Right out of the gate, “Why are you here?”

“I really want to make David Hasselhoff cry.” Sometimes, it’s just that simple. You know they’re going to ask it, why not craft a funny response? Pencil him for top six and a potential love affair with Paula.

Brandy Patterson closed the show by butchering “Like a Virgin”. Her take on why she flopped: “It might be the floor.” After her rejection, she called Randy a faker and she sold out Birmingham by saying Taylor Hicks couldn’t sing and Reuben couldn’t dance. I hate to say it but I have to agree. Although I’m starting to think it had something to do with the hardwoods.

Besides Brandy, Birmingham represented very well and should be proud. After insensitive remarks, many hopefuls merely said thank you and dealt with it outside. Overall, AI continues to deliver and it’s already getting talk as one of the best ever. I’m beginning to wonder what kind of long-term staying power this show has. So far, ‘Apprentice’ has been sub par besides Kerry sporting a bathing suit that would make Borat blush. Survivor is too repetitive and its biggest fan, Rosie O’Donnell, can make you sicker than a DQ hot dog. So is ‘American Idol’ reality’s only hope?

I think it might be. It seems everybody enjoys the show besides Rosie and Wee-Man. You’d have to go back to Real World II to find this many solid episodes back to back. I sure hope it continues and it should tonight with a stop in Hollywood. Hopefully it won’t be too painful but that might be too much to ask. I haven’t been this concerned about Southern California since I heard Paris Hilton is fresh out of Valtrex.